If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love you.
Bad choice
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
