P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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