Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
