I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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