boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
