Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
