Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
