i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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