I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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