I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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