As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
