you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
