Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize