I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize