Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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