ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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