Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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