All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
