What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
