Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize