White coat. Heels.
there was a trapeze. enough said
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
