You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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