Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
