my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
