I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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