I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
