Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't deserve a penis
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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