Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
