yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
