I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize