no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize