every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
