Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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