Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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