How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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