He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
