a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
