bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
