One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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