just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
