when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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