3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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