If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
