I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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