Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
