I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
