someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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