So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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