i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
