i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
