Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize