She said her name was "party"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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