We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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