just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
