he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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