I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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