Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
