I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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