"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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