i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
