i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize