She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
