Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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