i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
