True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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