I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
