Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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