The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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