my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
