There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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