That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
