we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
