Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
