yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
