Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
