If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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