I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
