Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize