isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
