Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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