I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
