I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
