If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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