Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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