do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
