she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
