Im at strip club and am horny
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
