Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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