ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
