The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
