You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
