I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
