There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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