The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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