I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
