I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
