I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
