and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
