Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
