everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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