well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
