He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
