Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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