y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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