All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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