I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
