Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
