Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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