In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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