Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize