I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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