I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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