I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
