My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
